He’s Just Not That Into You

The reason why I haven’t written in so long is because I never knew what to write about. And this weekend, it kind of hit me. I don’t do anything with my life. I go to school Monday through Friday and then when the weekend comes, I just sit in my room doing absolutely nothing. To be honest, I don’t know where the time goes. It’s a bad habit of mine to sleep in until the afternoon, and then I’m awake and active for a max seven hours and then after dinner everything just shuts off and I sit on my computer and do absolute crap. Where does my life go? Why am I so pathetic enough to just spend my entire days in my room? And it’s not like I’m kept here against my will, I don’t mind sitting in my room or house doing nothing. I’m not even doing homework. Then I’m stuck Sunday night doing all the homework I told my mom I was doing over the weekend. No wonder she doesn’t want to talk to me that much anymore. I feel like such a downer everytime I interact with anyone. Though I’m sure everyone has those weekends where they just don’t ever get out of the house, but imagine if that was every single one of your weekends. I used to hate it when my mother planned a trip for us to San Francisco. Sometimes, I still do hate it because it takes a huge chunk out of my time that could be spent doing homework, but to be honest, I don’t think I would have done my homework. I think I have been sucked into the world of the internet and worse: facebook.

I think facebook will be the donwnfall of the American youth. People are so addicted to facebook that they don’t realize that their life is hopeless. The reason why people spend hours and hours on facebook is because they want to be just like the people’s pages they surf for and endless amount of time. They’re envious. They’re depressed. They’re facebook stalkers. And I’m sad to say that I’m one of them. Anyone who spends ridiculous amounts of time on facebook is stalking someone or multiple people’s pages. There’s no way around it. We like to observe others. Maybe that’s why I spend copious amounts of time on the computer. The internet is a portal in which I look at things that I wish I could be doing, but never have the initiative to actually do. Why is that? Why won’t I just get off my butt and go to San Francisco? Because that requires work and effort. And that is something that I am not willing to do. The internet is so much more convenient and faster than actually going to that place. And its cheaper. But what I failed to realize before is that the internet is my enemy. I cannot hope to become something in the world by sitting here on the computer vegetating until I am a hermit and alone and have chased away everyone that I ever cared about. Which brings me to something else.

I am horrible with guys. It seems that every friendship I ever form with a guy that turns into me liking them has ended up in ultimate failure. I think the movie, He’s Just Not That Into You, is an accurate representation of my life. I am the character Gigi, the girl who has many failed attempts at relationships because she misinterprets the signs. Oh the signs, how they can be so misconstrued I do not know, but it happens. Alright, let’s see…well there’s no point in putting fake names on here. It’s not like the people who will read this don’t already know who these people are:

example 1: Nitin (okay you don’t know who this is..my bad); guy is a total player when it comes to girls. Like seriously, when I first met him, I felt like he was the biggest flirt in the world (that title has now been given to Julian). But we never really had a friendship turn into me liking him. I liked him from the beginning. Maybe it was because of his dashing looks. I still think he’s one of the most gorgeous Indian guys I have ever met. Too bad he lives in Virginia. And so the summer passed and he did too. And we talked a little, but now we don’t talk anymore. Now he’s gone off to college and actually enjoys his life whereas I…I continue to sit at home and vegetate. Fantastic.

example 2: Julian. Oh the infamous Julian. Why couldn’t I just listen to my friends this time huh? They all said his reputation was completely horrible…and true. But he was so cute. Like not hott, but cute. And he had awesome teeth. I mean perfectly straight. And he sings and plays the guitar. Which give him lots of brownie points. But his flirtatious tendencies got the better of me. Exhibit A: the jamba juice incident. My friend and I were at Jamba Juice after finals and of course, Julian was there with his buds. And so, being the chicken that I am, I went inside the store without one glance at him. Like ten minutes later, he decides to come inside and give me a hug. Ah fantastic. Although the incident may not seem like much, it felt like an indicator that he might be into me. Turns out I was wrong. Apparently I’m “a nice girl but [he's] not really look for a relationship with anyone right now.” Too freaking bad because a couple days ago he apparently likes this girl in the musical and now they’re secretly dating. Whoop de freaking hoo. I hope he has a good life with his musical career and not end up like so many other struggling artists: working at Safeway.

example 3: Chris. the sophomore. The kinda cute and immature but awesome sophomore. Who, I have yet to screw things up with, but we’ll see. I think he’s a lot better than Julian was and ever will be, but I can’t read the signs from him. Exhibit A: the skateboarding story. After swim practice one day, I decided that I wanted to learn how to ride his skateboard. So, I jumped on, but I couldn’t move. So then he pushed me across the parking lot. To help stabilize myself, I held his hand (actually, more for the fear of falling and dying). It seemed straight out of a freaking hollywood story. Like seriously cut out of the script. Last Friday, we hung out a lot at time trials and stuff, but at one point, he said “I don’t know, I just think that freshman girl is kinda cute” ( I am not a freshman). It’s probably nothing, but that statement bothered me a little. And then when I invited him to go to dinner with me after time trials (as a casual thing), he said he wanted to but he’d have to ask his parents. Turns out that his parents had friends over and they were gonna eat dinner there. EFF MY LIFE. Freaking, screws me over everytime. And then I gave him my number in hopes that he would call this weekend. Nothing. Not even a text. Not a single word. He could have said something like “hey, I wish we could have gone” or something random, even a hi would have been absolutely fine, but no. But we’ll see how this goes, and I guess this is one way I can update my blog. It will be called High School Swimming: the romantic adventure.

I think this concludes my blogging. I feel a lot better now that I’ve written all this and just got it out. I feel like I can finally breathe again. And I decided that I’m going to become the better person in all my situations. I cannot do anything to improve the Monday through Friday school swim then home schedule, but I can improve my weekends. And so here is my list of things that I should do:

- Go out on the weekends (every night I should do something different. Whether it be with friends or family it doesn’t matter as long as I’m out of the house)

- Limit my facebook time to 15 minutes per night. This gives me just enough time to respond to whoever wrote on my wall (because not a lot of people do) and that’s it…maybe on good days I can surf the pages for a couple minutes. But that’s likely not going to happen.

- Be less of a depressing icon. This one will be a tad more difficult. I hope that if I follow through with my plans, I will become a brighter, happier person and my mother will actually enjoy being around me. Hurray.

- Take initiate in my romantic adventure series. I have decided that I will, in all ways possible, find out if this boy likes me or not, and then I will ask him to Sadies if he alreay doesn’t have a date (sucks if he reads this cause then the element of surprise is gone…whoops). I’m already leaving for the weekend this coming Friday, so I have to exercise every opportunity I get to further my cause.

- Write every couple of days on here. At least once a week. Because blogging is awesome and a passive way to release all my pent up depressive stress.

Hopefully I will be able to keep to all my promises. I feel like I just made new years resolutions…too bad I’m a couple months late. Oh well, better late then never.

p.s. Fulton (my english teacher) would be so proud of my sobering and profound entry.