Rejection and all its entirety

I’ve never been rejected in so many ways in such a short amount of time. And although I am very used to not getting my way, it still hurts to get rejected from people, colleges, etc. Let’s see where to begin:

Sadies update: uhhh not what I planned. All in all, Sadies was a kind of failure. Not only was the music pretty horrible, the happy fairytale ending didnt happen. Which is an ultimate letdown. Basically, the date was a good dancer (and I mean good), and dancing with him was fun, but it didn’t turn into anything more than just two friends going to a dance together. And so I guess he inferred that I liked him and he thought that by him accepting my invitation to a dance meant that he liked me too. Clearly, that was not the case. A lot of people thought he liked me too, but I guess not. Anyways at the end of the dance, he abruptly left and I was left confusingly thinking, “…are you kidding me?”  I was a little annoyed, but I had time to think about it over the weekend and decided to get over myself. Then today, at school, he ignored me between classes and at practice. And I can’t say that it was entirely his fault because a lot of it was my fault too…I ignored him. And my coach is a gossiper and likes to exploit rumors so she basically made the whole thing public and so it was REALLY awkward then. But then after practice, I had a long talk with one of my swim friends and I decided that I just wanted things to get back to the way they were before this whole thing happened. Therefore, I texted him (kinda lame I know, but he only texts for some reason, and I don’t like calling people…but that’s a different story) telling him that I wanted to be just friends and I was sorry for the awkwardness between us. And then he texted me back with the same stuff. So now we’re awesome friends again which is good and its not awkward which is also good. It’s a step up seeing as things are still awkward between Julian and I (haven’t talked to him since it happened!). Apparently it’s against his (Chris) religion to do “hookups” or something of that sort, so I guess nothing will ever happen between us. Which is sad, but in a way, bearable. I kinda became less and less attracted to him and time went on and it became closer and closer to the dance. Plus he doesn’t have perfect teeth. And that is like an absolute must. =)

COLLEGE: Okay so I haven’t gotten a rejection letter from a COLLEGE yet but I did get rejected from the Case Western Reserve University 8 year combined medical program. I know that college rejection letters are a part of life and I will get more, but it still is kind of depressing when I get the small envelope and not the large package. But yes, Saturday night, I had already felt like crap and frustrated and annoyed from Sadies the night before, and the fact that I couldn’t go see Watchmen that night, and lo and behold, the rejection letter…that my mother opened! I hate it when my mother opens my mail. I absolutely loathe it. It’s the one pet peeve I have when it comes to college decisions. HATE IT! I get so angry when she opens it even if its an acceptance letter. I also hate it when she opens the letter while I’m at school, and then preceeds to tell me over the phone. I WANT THE DAMN ELEMENT OF SURPRISE WOMAN! Then I yell at her and then she gets mad but I feel so frustrated when she opens my mail. Do I open her bills? NO. SO DON’T OPEN MY COLLEGE MAIL!

I think high school as a whole has rejected me. I don’t have very many friends I can call “really close/best” and those friends can only go out and hangout sometimes if I’m lucky. Usually I find myself at home on Friday and Saturday nights because none of my friends can go out and I’m tired of doing activities with my mother. Even sometimes my mother has plans and is more active and social than I am. Why? Because I live in Pleasanton, the most rural and suburban town in the entire state of California. There are only three places of activity in Pleasanton: Downtown, the movie theater (which isn’t even in Pleasanton!), and the mall. All require money in order to be successfully happy and money is not a luxury I have.  Therefore, hanging out at the movies gets boring after a while…so does the mall. Downtown there’s not much there anyways. In fact, I think Pleasanton has rejected me. I don’t enjoy the high school dances anymore (well Sadies = bad music, and I’m looking forward to ball, so…kind of weak argument), I don’t enjoy going to school anymore. Last year I had so much fun going to class (not every class every day, but sometimes I really enjoyed going to classes, especially Chemistry and Calculus despite my struggles in those classes) I even like APUSH sometimes last year. This year, every class I take seems like a drag. Except choir. I absolutely love choir and I don’t know why I didn’t sign up earlier in my high school career. I also spend copious amounts of time on the internet doing absolutely nothing. I waste away my nights and then complain that I stay up late finishing up homework. If I had not spent that time doing nothing, I could have slept earlier. Why do I do this to myself? It is simple: senioritis. I have officially caught senioritis and there is nothing I can do about it. I showed symptoms second semester junior year and first semester this year, but it has become more and more prominent especially this semester. I can’t control it, it is a disease that has spread all throughout my body, and the worst part is, it is incurable. The only thing that can clear up the symptoms of senioritis is graduation. And the even worser part is that after college decisions come out and I finally know where I’m going to school, senioritis will only become worse. It may become unbearable. And I can’t stand it, but I can’t change it. It has branded itself into my personality. Laziness and vegetation has become synonymous with my name (did I spell synonymous right?). I can’t even motivate myself to do anything these days…except physics. Physics is the one class taht I still and will always struggle in. And I want to keep a B in that class, but it looks like that is not going to happen. And so this entry has turned from rejection to senioritis. This further cements how badly I have ADOS (which I just learned the meaning of today: Attention Deficit Ooh Shiny!) and how I cannot stay focused in my life.

What am I to do? Sleep. Sleep has become my best friend over the course of my high school career, and I intend to become life long pals with sleep and its luxuries…I just wish the world would do the same. Maybe then we could all take a nice long nap for eternity. Wouldn’t that seem nice?

p.s. Clearly…I have no idea what I just wrote about sleep because I don’t even know if that makes sense. Sorry for random stream of conscious thought coming out of me.