So I don’t know if I updated this or not, but I met a guy on the cruise to Mexico I went on in May. His name is James. He’s Mexican. He’s really nice and really sweet and works and goes to school and is thinking about becoming a nurse. We hit it off pretty well on the cruise. And then we hooked up when I went to spend a night in San Antonio (where he lives). Then I came to Philly to start my internship. And we decided that we would continue talking to each other, and liking each other. We became really close. And I became really attached. And then we decided it was a good idea for him to come to Philadelphia on July 4th so that we could spend some time together. Kind of recharge our relationship. It was going to be great. It was a big step but I was willing to take it. He was willing to take it.
Everything was going fine until a couple of days ago. I started expressing doubts about my feelings towards him. And I basically told him that I still liked him a lot but I know we lost some of that initial spark because we’re not with each other and we’ve gotten to know each other. We grew up in such different environments. We were both poor, but I guess he was poorer. I feel like his family doesn’t live very economically but it’s not like I can tell them how to live their lives. They don’t need tivo. Anyway, the point is that we grew up in two different cultures. He’s super Mexican and family is everything and they’re super tight knit. My family is my mom and occasionally my sister. He doesn’t think I will fit in naturally with his family. I think I’d do fine but that’s just me. We don’t really see eye-to-eye on certain things. I like reading. He hates reading. I want to be able to play sporcle or scrabble with my boyfriend. I don’t think he’d like any of those games. He likes to poke fun of me and it’s fine the first 10 times. Then it just gets old. You can’t do it everyday and expect me to still like you. His ideal girl is a Mehicana (?) girl who is super Mexican and cooks and cleans and whatever shit. I’m definitely not mehicana. Well first of all…I’m not Mexican. Sorry but I can’t change that. And I cook relatively decently to get by. But I’m not by means a freaking culinary genius. And so he thinks I will have a hard time fitting into his family. And I mean, he doesn’t know me that well. He doesn’t know that I fit in anywhere if people are willing to talk to me. We don’t know enough about each other for him to come up to Philly. The risk is too large. Aka I’m not worth flying across the country for. You’re strapped for cash if you have $20 bucks in the bank after this trip. not $150. I understand you have to struggle to survive. I know this is a sucky situation. I just wish the timing was right. I don’t want to sit on my death bed wondering if we could have ever worked out. Like what if he was the one. I guess if it’s fate, then we’ll be together someday. I guess today is not that day.
Anyway I’m super tired so I’ll update more. But I hurt less than I hurt with Tyler. So maybe this healing process will be faster. I’m also going up to Penn State for July 4th now. Holla!
