It’s funny how life as a way of throwing things at you. I just re-read my last blog post. About James. and how I thought long distance didn’t work. And yet I’m trying to do one right now. After I said goodbye to James, I started talking to Chad more and more. Chad is a guy that I met at work. Him and I have this long and complicated story, but we got each other in the end and I’m so grateful. Basically, long story short, Chad’s ex girlfriend Stephanie used to work with me at the same company. Stephanie treated Chad like shit and she is basically a two-faced liar. And she tried to sabotage my relationship with Chad. And she called me all of these horrible names, but that’s fine. I wish our relationship wasn’t so complicated. We’ve only officially been dating for 2 months, but it took a long time to get to where we are now. To be completely honest with each other. I don’t think there’s anything we haven’t told each other. I have told Chad basically everything, from my messed up family to my Denny situation. Chad and I are doing great now. I lived with him my last 1.5 weeks in Philadelphia and I loved it. At times it was hard because, living with a bunch of boys is hard, but I really enjoyed it.
And I miss Philadelphia so much. I feel like this summer has changed me so much. I’m not excited to be back at Rice. Maybe it’s because I still have the MCAT to take, but I just feel like there’s nothing left here for me anymore. Of course I love all of my friends. They’re really the only reason I have to stay here. The Rice dynamic is great, but it’s also detrimental. I feel like if you’re not overachieving, you’re underachieving. There’s no normal. And I can’t do it. I just want to be normal for once. I just want to go to school, and party on the weekends like a normal person’s college experience. What I would give to be normal. What I would give to have Chad with me right now. I love that boy so much it’s incredible. It doesn’t pain me when I think about him, but I remember the first night I slept alone, that was the worst night of my life. I felt like I was going to die from the inside out. I really felt like I could not live without Chad. He’s the type of man that I could really see myself being with for the rest of my life. He’s cute, so nice to me, and he’s not an asshole. He’s not someone who just looks for the easy kill and leaves. Chad is different. He cares. He cares so much and it makes me love him that much more. It took him until I finally came back to school for him to say I love you too. It was a huge relief for him to say that. I know I’m really special to him. And he is so special to me. I could never hurt him. He means so much to me.
Which brings me to Avery. Avery Marcus. I’m pretty sure that boy is the bane of my existence. He enters into my life in my Intro to Country Western Dancing LPAP and I just cannot help but be attracted to him. First off, he’s pretty. He has green eyes and man, am I a SUCKER for green eyes. And he’s so tall. He’s like 6’4″. And he works out. And he’s just hot. He’s kind of a douchebag, and by kind of I mean really. But I guess that’s the kind of guy I used to be attracted to. And still kind of am. Anyway, Megan and Beth don’t like him because he got Diego kicked out of Rice. But I went to yogurtland with him today, and he told me the full story. I’m not saying it’s not his fault, because I think he has some blame. But it’s just…I can’t help putting some of the blame of Diego. And Megan can’t see it because she’s so in love with Dan that she’s blinded by all the shit that he does. He gets away with it all. He lies to her and she can’t even see it. But I don’t think it’s my place to say anything because 1) I don’t want to get into other people’s drama. and 2) it’s not my place. Dan should tell her, not me. Anyway, the whole point of this was that Avery has walked into my life and we keep flirting hardcore and I can’t help it. He’s just so cute. And I want to be his friend, but at the same time, I’m always curious. I guess it’s because I’ve never had a real boyfriend before. Especially a long distance one. I just love Chad so much. But I can’t help but touch Avery’s arms. They’re so big. And you know how much I love big arms. They’re my weakness. Avery is my kryptonite to my Lois Lane. If that makes any sense at all. It’s 4:37 in the morning. Not a lot of things make sense. I’m currently listening to Lady Antebellum now. I run to you. Great song.
Chad…come here faster so I don’t have to be distracted by Avery and his big arms. My thoughts run astray and I can’t help it. I don’t want to want him, but I do nonetheless. Nothing emotional. Just physically. Rawr.
